one post before the road...

Will be leaving for Sydney in a few hours time. Don't really know when is the next time I will blog again. So I've decided to post this one just before leaving.

Wrote this on Shaun's tagboard. I have no idea where I got the inspiration from, but it was a very "me" kind of post. (becuase it has to do with math!)

The mistake a lot of people make in math is that they try to get everything done in as few steps as possible. And as a result they loose marks. I have observed that this seems to be the case especially among the current batch of secondary school students. Especially among the few whom I have tutored; always looking for a "shortcut".

Well, all I can say is, stop looking for one. When you go through the tedious process of writing all the steps down, rather than working it mentally in your head, you will see an entirely different picture. I guess that is why primary school kids are taught to use models in their math.

A series of small and simple steps is a lot easier to understand than a single whole complicated mess. And like one of you told me, "you make it look so simple!". The truth is, it is simple; after I broke the problem down into like 10 smaller steps right?

At higher level, the whole point in mathematics is to develop a rigourous argument (or proof). This usually involved splitting a single proof into smaller steps and solving each smaller step. And using the combined results to give the full theorem. It's done this way so that the argument is irrefutable.

But more importantly, I think this lesson can be applied to our Christian faith as well. Earning salvation can be done by a simple descision and an honest prayer. But working out that salvation is tedious process of aches and pains.

But, instead of working out through the trials and temptations that come our way, we try to take short cuts; and as a result, we loose marks. We don't get the full picture and we naturally feel incomplete.

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." - James 1:2-4

Times of trials and testing will come. One is on its way for the Youth Ministry. In fact, it has already begun. But let's take it head on, and with pure joy. For at the end of it, we will reap a greater harvest! Let take it one smalle step at a time.

Here is the most updated picture of the building:

Our new building is being built one small step at a time. One floor at a time. But it will be ready soon. So in the same way, let's let the master Builder build our faith as well.

(picture courtesy of Shaun)

PS: Now I remember where I got the inspiration from, it was from Shaun's post about his math results! :)

Truthmin - Worship and Music Camp

Truth Ministries will be organising a Worship and Music camp from 2-4 June 2005 at Hope Centre. (3rd Place, in Outram) It will be a stay-in camp.

This year, the workshops will cater to those who are of beginner level. If you are aged 12 and above, and have basic knowledge in either worship leading, vocals, keyboards, drums, guitars and even sound, but haven't had the courage to step out with your abilities, this IS the camp for you!

There are 8 workshops:
- Worship Leading
- Vocals
- Keyboards
- Acoustic Guitar*
- Electric Guitar*
- Electric Bass*
- Drums*
- Sound

* indicates bring your own guitar or drum sticks

The cost is $50. Meals and accomodation is provided.
Closing date: 20 May 2005

On a personal note:
I would like to strongly encourage anyone of you from PMC who are interested in serving the Lord through music to sign up. Whether you intend to do so in One Voice, Rock-band or any other music ministry, it doesn't matter, this is a great opportunity, please DON'T miss it!

If you would like to sign up, plesae tag or SMS me. I will then contact you immediately. I will not be in church this weekend, so please don't look for me then, it will be too late.

Progress...

For the benefit of those who are overseas, like Marvin, Denver, Alvin Lee. Here are some progress shots of the church building. A bit outdated though. They have already started work on the 3rd floor.

(thanks to Shaun for the bottom pic and Ryan with help in posting the pics)

You are so faithful

It's raining like mad here now in Singapore. Was a hot day, somehow ended up raining so crazily. Typical Singapore weather. Just came home from Concert of Prayer. Was actually quite encouraged by what I saw. But well, tomorrow is going to be a whole new day; probably going to be a shocker for a few. But well, God is faithful. I believe I posted some time in January about the rain. Here is a song that is running in my head now. It speaks of God's faithfulness to us.

Like the sun, that rises everyday
You are so faithful, dear Lord You're so faithful
Like the rain that You bring
And every breath that I breathe
You are so faithful O Lord

Like a rose, that comes alive every spring
You are so faithful, dear Lord You're so faithful
Like the life that You give
To every beat of my heart
You are so faithful O Lord

I see the cross and the price You had to pay
I see the blood that washed my sins away

In the midst of the storm
Through the wind and the waves
You'll still be faithful
O Lord You are faithful
When the stars refuse to shine
And time is no more
You'll still be faithful
You'll still be faithful O Lord

This Sunday is Pentecost Sunday. When the Holy Spirit was poured out upon man. That is God's faithfulness to us. And through it all, His Word will never fail.

Concert of Prayer

Time: 7.30pm
Venue: Aldersgate Hall
Date: 14 May 2005 (Saturday)

There will not be any YM this coming week, however, we should continue to pray for the YM as we do every Sunday morning. So, let's all come together this Saturday evening for a time of praise and worship and prayer!

Many of us feel tired and dry and worn out. All the more we need to pray and interceed for the YM. So let's take the effort to come down to church this weekend.

Consuming Fire
There must be more than this
O breath of God, come breathe within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for You
Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray

Consuming fire, fan into flame
A passion for Your name
Spirit of God, fall in this place
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way

Come like a rushing wind
Clothe us from power from on high
Now set the captives free
Leave us abandoned to Your praise
Lord let Your glory fall
Lord let Your glory fall

Stir it up in our hearts Lord
Stir it up in our hearts Lord
Stir it up in our hearts Lord
A passion for Your Name

(C) Words and music by Tim Hughes

Survey Results

These are the results of the survey conducted in church over the weekend. Quite sombering, unfortuantely. These are only the raw results. I will do an analysis another day.

Sample Size: 60
Male: 24
Female: 36

Age Ranges:
13-14: 27
15-16:12
17up: 21

Question 1: Which of the follwoing phrases (exact phrases) refer to Jesus, God or the Holy Spirit in the Bible?

The Following appear in the Bible and refer to Jesus, God the Father or the Holy Spirit:
-Rose of Sharon (Song of Solomon 2:1)
-Bright and morning star (Revelations 22:16)
-Man of Sorrows (Isaiah 53:3)
-Ancient of Days (Daniel 7:9)
-Lion of the Tribe of Judah (Revelations 5:5)

-"Son of the Dawn" appears in the Bible. But refers to Satan. (Isaiah 14:12)

The following DO NOT appear in the Bible as an exact phrase
-Darling of Heaven
-King of Majesty
-Comforter to the lonely
-Tower of refuge and strength
-Friend in High Places

RESPONSES:
- King of Majesty: 81.7% (49)
- Tower of refuge and strength: 63.3% (38)
- Bright and morning star: 35% (21)
- Comforter to the lonely: 35% (21)
- Darling of heaven: 31.7% (19)
- Friend in High places: 28.3% (17)
- Ancient of days: 28.4% (17)
- Lion of the tribe of Judah: 21.6% (13)
- Son of the Dawn: 13.3% (8)
- Man of sorrows: 11.6% (7)
- Rose of Sharon: 8.3% (5)

Question 2: Which of the following phrases can be found in the Bible?

Only the following can be found in the Bible:

He who spares the rod hates his son - Proverbs 13:24

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good - Psalms 107:1

These cannot be found in the Bible:
-Crown Him with many crowns
-Like a rose trampled on the ground
-God is good all the time
-Read your Bible pray everyday

RESPONSES:
- Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good: 80% (48)
- God is good, all the time: 46.7% (28)
- Crown Him with many crowns: 36.7% (22)
- He who spares the rod hates his son: 30% (18)
- Like a rose trampled on the ground: 28.3% (17)
- Read your Bible pray everyday: 26.7% (16)

Question 3:
The 3 verses are:

Jesus said, “I am The Way, The Truth and The Life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” - John 14:6

Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. - Psalm 96:11

Such is the generation who seek Him, who seek Your face, O God of Jacob. Selah. - Psalm 24:6

Most of the responses were blank except for the first verse. Most answered correctly, or at least got the idea. Suprisingly, (and thankfully) there wasn't any response that went, "live by faith and not by sight" (there was 1, but it was liquid-papered out).

Another interesting observation. There was actually a mistake in the first question. The phrase was printed as "the Way, the Truth and the Light". Only Jessica and Nat Pang's SG pointed it out! (even I missed it!)

An interesting overservation not related to the survey: Natalie Pang's blog has overtaken the VCF BCE Blog as the top refering site to this blog!

about contemporary worship

Taken from a friend's blog...

i just bought united live's latest album, look to you a few days ago. i was just watching the complimentary dvd and i was struck by the entire process marty sampson, joel houston and gang went through to get the album produced.

while i always enjoyed the nifty electric guitar rifts and their super catchy melodies, somehow or rather the lyrics just don't quite cut it for me. it's super i-centric and the meaning is lost behind the inherent borderline shallow-ness. there are exceptions of course, but when i heard darlene zschech tell the entire united live team to "let go of their gifts..and let God take over" just before their worship and creative arts meeting, my scepticism began to ebb.

the songs on the album were actually birthed from the synergy and prayer and the collective annointing of the Holy Spirit from a ministry-wide gathering like this. and darlene zschech reminded them that "sometimes we rely on our gifts too much and we become too confident...and if we don't depend on Him and not let God come through us, that's when we're gonna drown." i don't know about you, but to me, this is utterly and literally "looking to Him."

the dvd is the filming of the recording of this live worship album where a whole bunch of young people, probably aged 15 upwards to the early 20's were having fun worshipping God. but deep down inside me, i wondered how on earth is it possible to praise and worship when people were just apparently so busy making merry, jumping, stomping their feet to the drum beat and body surfing at one stage. scenes that you would normally associate with rock concerts like woodstock - except minus the violence that usually precedes and proceeds the event.

then it struck me the extent of popular culture's effect on the music and culture of christian youths - not just down under australia, but here in singapore as well. and how a youth congregation is considered "dead" if they are usually not "lively" during worship. (read: an average sunday heartbeat service)

don't get me wrong. i am probably one of those people who would jump and make merry. but i think the larger implicit/explicit message (depending on how perceptive you are to such things) is what constitutes our heart of worship.

the rock music is a mere fascade to what is something greater. it is a hook, a means to attract the young people of this age to something greater. for a generation that has been lamblasted by the mediated world of advertising and marketing that zooms in on them, (go watch "the merchants of cool" and you'll understand what i am talking about) the use of rock music is thus a manner of getting the young people to come and experience God - to get them to realise that God is relevant, cool and personal.

just like how in the Bible, when we read of how people celebrate God's goodness, love and mercy, we don't usually get the full idea of the essence of their sheer joy and happiness, people from a century later won't get the full extent of the way we celebrate our joy in having a true and living God. applied in this context, the embracing of the popular culture is just to meet the young people at where they are. it is by far their, and my method of worshipping God.

because unlike secular rock music - where the means is an end to itself and all about the music, and is a representation of the post-modern or some would have you believe, a neo post-modern era we live in where individualism, liberalism and the plurality of choices reign the day; christian rock music , just like how christian music has been all about since time began, is about "proclaiming something bigger than yourself." it's really about encountering God when singing, when seeking, when praising His name. it's forgetting about your own self and exalting the goodness of someone greater - someone who is our Father, friend and Saviour all rolled into one

as such, it is startling how the young people are so honest through songs in down under australia and i am sure singapore as well. yet this honesty comes at a price. because honesty comes from a willingness to embrace the truth in your hearts, minds and souls.

yet this willingness is something very difficult because the truth usually hurts. but beyond the pain of the current reality lies the promise of greater joy that makes the current pain pale in comparison.

but beyond such outward expressions of love, celebration, praise and worship, we must come back and remember that worship is about a celebration of God's work in our lives. we have nothing to celebrate about if we have nothing that makes us "in this world, but not of this world."

at the end of the dvd, joel houston reminds the hillsongs creative and worship arts team that "it is very easy to get comfortable in church and in our worship, but what is it going to cost us?"

2 samuel 24:24 - "i will not sacrifice that which costs me nothing."

we need to seek God first, and let it be manifest in every single area of our life. because if we are Christians, we are little Christs. while we may never attain perfection in this life time, we have got to keep trying and not take His grace for granted.

and in case you were wondering what are some of the areas in your life, don't bother because it's probably e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. period.

yeah, so while the form of worship may have changed to something that i embrace, but nonetheless not too comfortable with, the essence of worship has not.

it's about your heart of worship, your worship posture. you don't have to jump, jump and scream, scream, scream during worship, but you got to work towards a freedom to worship him. to be able to be free of all self conciousness to worship him in public and in the private.

this freedom can be manifest in keeping real still and keeping it very personal. i am a personal advocate and believer that we shouldn't use our denominational traditions as an excuse or reason to explain why we worship a certain way. the only question we have to ask ourselves is whether we have been free to worship and if not, why.

because in all forms of worship, public or private, we are singing only for a audience of only one. so even though i still maintain that there is a certain shallowness about some of the songs, i know these songs are the end result of an encounter the song writer had with God. that the meaning of the words that may mean a great deal for him/her may be lost on us. but it's nonetheless an imperfect attempt by an imperfect being to make an offering unto God that is being shared and ministered to people in far away lands.

i say all of these because it has been a burden on my heart for some time now that the youths of heartbeat throb with passion for God. i have been to conferences and gathering of young people and seen the acute passion for God. while we may throw caution to the wind and not totally dismiss the possibilities that these kids may be "sunday christians," i am still encouraged that kids are coming to know God through such means.

yet i understand that it is not realistic to transplant a whole new culture into heartbeat totally. it's about starting with the small things, and working towards a whole new freedom to worship and offering constant encouragement to the young ones. all this done with the moral strength from the eternal source. because we are not doing this for ourselves, but as a form of service for Him. and it's a privilege that while incrediby sapping physically and emotionally, i take very seriously.

i now throw you the eternal burning question - what about you?

division or multiplication

Do you get frightened when the team you work with becomes divided? Does it feel worse when this team is the youth ministry? I have been thinking of a way to write this post tactfully for about a year now. But I cannot seem to come up with something that is satisfactory. But this is a matter that I don't think I can put off any longer. So let's just throw tact out the window.

29 May is just weeks away. And that day signals a new era for the PMCYM. Will it be something to remember? Or will it be something to forget? It's up to the SGLs to decide. Let's not make any mistakes here; the PMCYM is falling apart, there is division among the youth. Those of you who cannot see it are simply blinded by pride. Being the ministry head of One Voice allows me to stand in front of the YM nearly every Sunday. And let me say it's not the same YM that I used to lead worship for in 2001.

Where is the joy? The joy of salvation. It's no longer there. Why? Because the foundation is weak. We use our service as the foundation of our love for God. And what happens when we see our service fall? When we don't see the youth responding. Our love for God falls as well.

It should be the other way round. Our love for God should be the foundation of our service. The Bible captures a church that got their foundation wrong. It was the church of Ephesus.

"I know your deeds and your toil and perseverance, and that you cannot tolerate evil men, and you put to the test those who call themselves apostles, and they are not, and you found them to be false; and you perseverance and have endured for My name’s sake, and have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first; or else I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of place – unless you repent.” – Revelations 2:2-5

Sound familiar? Sounds a lot like our YM to me. That was the passage that was given to me, along with a vision last year. It was confirmation of what is it that we must do. Return to our First Love. To understand the Gospel and what it entails all over again. And for many, to meet Jesus for the first time and find the joy of salvation.

It is very sad, that when I lead worship with the GB. I see a whole lot more joy in their faces, a desire to sing praises to God. And half of them are not even Christian. Perhaps, this One Purpose Camp is not so much for them to come to know us, but for us to come to see the joy that they have, and find our First Love once again.

Failing which; the consequence is obvious. The YM is starting to divide; it will fall. But we can still do something about it. And that is to shore up our weak foundations and learn to love Jesus above our service, above our self, above all the things that we hold on to too tightly. And from there, let the younger youth see the joy in their salvation again.

Are we too caught up in seeing the division that we forget to see something else?

In mathematics, multiplication considered to be a stronger binary operation than division. Why? Well, for one thing, multiplication is commutative and more importantly, division can always be expressed as multiplication. In fact, in fields, we can actually do away with division altogether and just let multiplication do the job. I guess, in some abstract sense, we can always see division as a “form of multiplication” as well.

Are we too caught up in seeing the division that we forget to see that multiplication is at work as well?

The division that is taking place in the YM; let us look beyond that. Look to the future, look to after the renovation, and more importantly, look at the Cross again. The Gospel is not a mere story for believers; it is the basis of our faith.

We will see the multiplication take place in our Youth Ministry again IF AND ONLY IF every single one returns to our first love.

Think about that, and think about it whenever you sing this:

Once Again
Jesus Christ, I think upon Your sacrifice
You became nothing, poured out to death
Many times, I’ve wondered at Your gift of life
And I’m in that place once again
I’m in that place once again

And once again I look upon the cross where You died
I’m humbled by Your mercy, and I’m broken inside
Once again I thank You
Once again I pour out my life

Now you are, exalted to the highest place
King of the heavens where one day I’ll bow
But for now, I marvel at your saving grace
And I’m full of praise once again
I’m full of praise once again

Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross, my friend

© Words and music by Matt Redman

Peaceful easy feeling...

Spent the morning pouring through old photographs again. And yah, like a few people have said to me over the past weeks, my face hasn't changed, since I was a baby! Well, neither has my size! Well, what a long time it has been, 24 years! For all purposes, I guess I can consider myself to have graduated. Only God's grace will see me to the next stage. Honours or the working world? Well, if last semester I felt like I was in heaven, then I think this semester, I went to hell and back.

Looking through the photographs brought a smile to my face, something that has not happened in a while I guess. But there was something else this time round, peace. The past week, God told me to pray for someone. Someone whom I've never met and I doubt I ever will. Strange, as I would not even consider that person a friend, perhaps even an enemy. But the Bible tell us to love our enemies right? So well, I prayed for that person anyway. And I began to feel peace and closure come to some issues in my life. Been a while, but I guess the old feelings are disappearing, perhaps even being replaced with something new. Well, time to move on with life.

I am reminded by what was said at Synerg!z. Obedience would involve something which you DO NOT want to do. Yeah, but one thing is for sure, you won't regret obeying God. Jesus carried His cross in obedience. It was a painful sacrifice. But He did it for us. Looking at my baby photos, of how I was once so small and fragile looking to how huge I am now, I can only say, God is merciful.

"But Love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as Your Father is merciful." - Luke 6:35-36

Jesus, Lover of my soul

Jesus, Lover of my soul
All consuming fire is in Your gaze
Jesus, I want You to know
I will follow You all my days

For no one else in History is like You
And history itself belongs to You
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
And I will spend eternity with You

It's all about You , Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and Your fame
It's not about me
As if I should do things my way
You alone are God and I surrender
To Your ways

(C) words and music by Paul Oakley

Over...

I'm not sure if I should say that this is the worst semester in my 3 years in NUS; or a semester of blessings. Not really blessings in the sense of being prospered, but going through hell and making it through and having your faith strengthened. This year's exam season was a killer. 4 papers squeezed into 3 days. But it's over. Holidays have begun. So look on the bright side of thing! :) For memories...

Gabriel (Koh not Lim) said that spoofs are a sign that your brain is working. So here is an attempt at that!

Almost seems like yesterday
That, we were planning for today
It's gonna be happening!

And now it's finally arrived
No more studying, got more time
It's gonna be happening!

It's been a long way
After all that mugging
It's gonna be happening

Months of preparing and project meetings
Months of lecturing and pontanging
Months of readings and head-banging
And now it's finally here...

Examinations finally done
Now we're all prepared for fun
Days of mugging are done and over
Now we welcome the happy choingsters

No more boring project meetings
No more essays, labs or readings
Now for singing, dancing and shopping
Time for HOLIDAYS to be happening!!!!!

My run down of the year so far:

January
The year starts of pretty interestingly enough! The usual Holy Communion at the Watchnight Service and supper fellowship! Thereafter, I have to go rescue 2 damsels in distress, who couldn't get a taxi home. Spend the rest of the night playing mahjong at Ryan's place thereafter. Fun. Things get more "fun" when the BCE musicians are informed by Gabriel the exact scope of their task. As music director, I nearly faint, and I actually fall sick for 3 weeks. It doesn't help that meeting took place on the same day as the LOTR movie marathon. Anyway school starts the weekafter. Auditions for BCE take place on the first week. I joke that "my lectures are a break from BCE/VCF activities." It turns out that that wasn't really a joke. During the first month, I only go home before the sun sets 4 times (according to my private journal). Not so funny anymore. My timetable is slack, I only have 1 lecture on most of the days. But BCE/VCF stuff use up the rest of the time. Fusion 2005 on 22 Feb was certainly a highlight of the month. I would still say that the first Fusion 2 years ago was still better though.

February.
Operation Karang Guni. Madness. But sure was fun. ChIndian. Decided to pontang that one. Really needed to sleep that day. By God's grace and providence, the BCE musicians complete the compositions for the songs almost 2 weeks ahead of schedule and preview the songs to the cast. Only then does the enormity of the task at hand dawn on us. But those guys are monsters man!! Was an honour to work with them. Chinese New Year, one of my biggest Ang Pow collections ever! The BCE com collectively goes through a very testing time, together. That's where we really live out the BCE theme verse. Mid-term recess week was the worse. The highlight of that week was definately the first (out of 2) BCE full band practices that we had, this one at Ruiyi's church. WOAH! No words to describe it. The lowest point would defiantely have been the practice at engin bridge that same week. Also, no words can describe it. The Lord gives the Lord takes away and by His Blood, I try to ahead. I go to Church with an ear to ear grin that weekend and co-lead worship at WIN. February was a depressing month.
March
It only gets worse. Mid term season begins. With a mid-term on my birthday. Sucks. I turn 24, but spend the whole day, 8am to 10pm in school. What a way to spend your birthday. BCE kicks into high gear! Studies are neglected for sure. Thank God, this semester I copy notes and so things actually go into my head during the lecture; but even then, not much. Synerg!z. A long needed spiritual refreshment. God defiantely spoke to me during that hot Thursday afternoon. You can read the entry on 18 March for more details. But that was the catalyst to start moving on. BCE a week later; a culmination of months of preparing and rehearsing. Fantastic. But I never knew it would take such a toll on me. I immediately start having really wierd dreams after that, a spiritual attack. I also find out that my JC maths teacher passed away on the same week as the musical. Very sad. But at least March ends with me being able to see the bright side of things.

April
Exam season begins. And I begin to start catching up on the work that I had missed. Unfortuantely, my nightmares persist; till I found the closure that I had been seeking for in 2 months. Closure has begun, but it will take time to close. Exam week comes. Science library fellowship begins. Quite interesting. Much fewer people this time round. I wonder why. Exams ended today. And with the killer papers that I had, I might possibly graduate due to poor results. Well, it's all in God's hands now.

Slaughtered...

Highlight if you want to read...beware, it's going to be... gory...

I am predicting a clean sweep for the maths department this time round. 4-0 in their favour. The papers were not entirely merciless like last semester's Complex Analysis 2 paper or as word of mouth has it, this year's Financial Mathematics 1 paper. They were doable, but not scorable. But it sure doesn't help if you leave entire questions blank!

"I will bring them down like lambs to the slaughter" - Jeremiah 51:40a

Ok this is probably out of context. Do you know that lambs, when being led to the slaughter do not even try to resist. They just lie down, and let someone slit their throat. No screaming, just eerie silence.

Sure felt that way this afternoon, and yesterday. Everyone just keeping silent in the examination hall. Being slaughtered...

Well, one more paper to go! Lebesgue Integration. This one is a merciless module. The proofs are out of the world. The lecturer even said, "I am not expecting any of you to complete any of the questions. Your aim is not to complete the questions but to show me the ideas in your head. I am only expecting partial answers, in fact only partial of the partial answers." Oh well... what an exam season!

Look on the bright side! 1 day to go before the holidays begin! A nice long 3 month holiday.

Stop dreaming...

Not been having any dreams the last few days, pretty wierd. But compared to the "nightmares" I was having just a month ago, I would say it's a welcome relief. Anyway, lack of dreams, mean a deeper and more restful sleep. Good, since I'm in the midst of the exams.

A dear Brother-in-Christ once told me a story of 2 young people. The girl was in her midteens and the guy was a year older. And they fell for each other after attending a concert together. But knowing that they had to put their studies first, the guy told the girl to "put their love into a container". And in several years time, if they still loved each other, to take it out of the container and savour it.

When I first heard the story, I laughed non-stop for over 10 minutes! Strangely, I somehow remembered this story again today, as well as another story. THE story from the book "Boy meets Girl". I won't go into details. But part of it is about dreams falling apart and crashing down.

Looking back at the story that was told by my friend, I now realise it's not that funny anymore. Though it seemed so childish and stupid at that time, I now see the deep maturity in that descision, a descision that was way beyond their years. And I thank them, for setting an example for me to follow.

I've seen dreams crash down before me many times. On a not-so-lonely night at Body Building Camp at Camp Christine in December 2001, at the Central Forum when the Pharmarceutical Society were having their bazzaar in September 2002, at the engin bridge on 24 February 2005... the list goes on.

The guy in "Boy meets Girl" had to literally bury his love in a container. He let go, and let God take control of his life again. A life to refocus, recollect and rededicate the time lost on silly things back to the Lord. And after many years, he saw his container opened and the spot where his dreams came crashing down, he saw them renewed again.

"Look up my son, and look at me
And the bloodstained Cross of Calvary
The Bride I died for is mine yet be
Like you, I am waiting, so be like me"

I wrote those words after really being inspired by the Holy Spirit one lonely night in November last year. Amidst a very confusing time in my life. Today, I looked at another peom, and I now I realise what the words mean; that they were not meant for me.

"Light of His blessings and waters of His will
Decides to transform us into a beautiful tale"

Now I get it. Those dreams were mine, selfishly mine. They were not the dreams that God wanted me to have. So I guess like the 2 young people I first talked about, I am going to have to put my dreams into a container and bury it somewhere. Perhaps, that is where it's meant to remain. But maybe, one day I will dig them out again and enjoy its contents. But only if the Lord leads.

Only death can give life. Jesus' death.

Where do we stand?

That's the question Joel asked on the BCE blog. I have no clue where I stand. I may possibly graduate in 5 days; I may go on for another year; who knows, God willing I may continue to masters? Or even further on?

Had a very long chat with Shaun this afternoon. And I feel exactly the way he feels; like a desert. And this 3 week old cough is not helping much. But this morning's sermon hit the nail on the head; persevere, count the blessings and above all that, the King still has one more move. One thing I know for sure is that God is always there. Even though sometimes, it gets very hard to worship Him. It get's hard to pray. It get's hard to feel the joy of salvation again. Yet, I will continue to sing His praise.

Lord, You seem so far way
A million miles or more it feels today
And though I haven't lost my faith
I must confess right now
That it's hard for me to pray
But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give the grace
With all that's in my heart

I will sing, I will praise
Even in my darkest hour, through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing, I will praise
Lift my hands to honour you
Because Your Word is true, I will sing

Lord it's hard for me to see
All the thoughts and plans you have for me
But I will put my trust in You
Knowing that You died to set me free
But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give the grace
With all that's in my heart

(C) Words and music by Don Moen

Let us be One Voice...

How is it, that 2 people can think of the same song within the same week? How is it that they can look through the web in the same week and discover a missing verse to a song that we have sung a few times? I guess the answer is that God spoke.

I told myself that I would lead the following song the next time I lead worship. And what do you know? Isaac led it this morning. I'm sure God spoke to him too. This, in my honest opinion, is the best and most well-written of all the Planetshaker's song. It's all about Jesus, that's what worship is about.

It's all about Jesus
It's all about Jesus
It's all about the way He changed our lives
It's all about Jesus
The power of His blood can't be denied

It's all about Jesus
It's all about the covenant He made
It's all about Jesus
Victorious He rose up from the grave

We lift our hearts to Him
He is the reason that we sing

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
We praies Your Name

It's all about Jesus
It's all about the way He set us free
It's all about Jesus
Bearing all our sins at Calvary

It's all about Jesus
It's all about the gift of love He gave
It all about Jesus
The precious Lamb of God was slain

(C) Words and music by Henry Seeley

MA4211: Functional Analysis

Had a much better day in the library today, maybe it was because I had some inspiration!! (hehe... I will leave that to all of your imagination!) Re-copied and paraphrased some of the proofs presented in the lecture notes.

I think those of you who have spoken to me will know that I am a pretty strong advocate of copying your own notes when it comes to mathematics. Yeah, when a lot of abstract and complicated proofs are presented, copying does help you think through what you are writing down and better understand that proof. That's why I am re-copying everything for this module. Just had a test on this module last Friday, it was ok. After the test was done, A/P Chew presented some possible solutions. And mine mostly fit his, so I guess I would do okay.

Functional Analysis; this was one module in which I did not touch a single tutorial question as I had no clue what was going on! To have scored a B+ for the first test was really God's amazing grace. But then, it was more becuase everyone did badly, rather than my own merit; I almost failed that test! Ironically, this is one module who name intimidated me the first time I looked through the maths prospectus in year one. I never considered taking it, until a friend told me it was one of the better modules, true enough it is.

It is the 4th analysis module that I am doing. It's interesting that most mathematics undergrads really hate analysis, me included, and while most do only 1 analysis module, I've taken 4! And I intend to take MA4266: Topology, next semester, which will make it 5!! Somehow have a knack for it. Don't know why.

Anyway, the module is about linear functionals, (functions whose codomain is the real number line and the function is linear, not straight line, but linear, ie f(ax +by) = af(x) + bf(y)) on Banach Spaces and Hilbert Spaces. And of course the main part of the course focuses on the 4 big theorems in Functional Analysis, Hahn-Banach, Closed-Graph, Open-Mapping and Banach-Steinhauss Theorems. Just revisted the proofs of most of those theorems today. Very interesting. It's good that this module is a "soft-analysis" module, so I can avoid episilon-delta like proofs during the exam.

Covered most of the module today. That's good. Still need to cover 2 more sections. Then I should be ok with this module. Will see how I fare when I study at home on Friday.

PS: Read something interesting just now on another blog. Maybe I will say something tomorrow.

MA3215: 3D Differential Geometry

Today was a really unproductive day. Only completed half the helpsheet. Went home early to sleep. Slept late last night, or rather early this morning.

Although its an interesting module, it's got too many calculations to be considered a pure mathematics module in my opinion. If I cannot get a graph theory honours project, this will defiantely be my next option. This module is one where I really see the power of mathematics being displayed. It brings all the different branches of mathematics together in a big way, modern algebra, calculus, linear algebra, geometry all come together in this module.

It's pretty interesting now, looking back on some of the lectures, when A/P Loke would say things like, "this is nothing deep going on here ah, just linear albegra, covered in MA2101." And you go, "yeah that's true." But now on hindsight, we were doing pretty advance linear algebra stuff, like finding eigenvectors and eigenvalues to solve problems in calculus!!! If that isn't deep then I wonder what is?!?

Interesting to note, John Nash also made significant contributions to this branch of mathematics, though most people will associate him with game theory, he actually made quite a lot of contributions to this branch of mathematics, topology etc. His Embedding theorem states, 2 real algebraic manifolds are equivalent if and only if they are analytically homeomorphic. I have no idea what that means!

Back to today, was unable to focus on anything man, so only did 2 chapters out of 4 for my helpsheet, then I came home to catch up on sleep. Only now, (at 1am) is my brain starting to wake up, I guess its going to be a long night.

EDIT: Just had to add this, was cracking my brain the whole day to see how I can relate this module to something remotely Biblical. (the fact is... I can't) So, let me try anyway, this may sounds blasphemous, so please don't stone me!

From what I've seen, one of the applications of Differntial Geometry, to higher dimensions, that is Algebraic Topology and Algebraic Geometry, that's when you start working on manifolds (n-dimension objects), is it's being applied to physics. In particular General Relativity. The Holy Grail of physics is said to be the TOE or Theory of Everything. When all the forces can be considered unified. I guess like the modern church, we see so many denominations. We now hear that the new Pope hopes to unite Chrisitians across the world. A grand idea. And wouldn't it be wonderful if all Christians really stood united?

The fact is, we already should be. No matter where you come from, the Gospel is one and the same. And that is the unifying factor. Then why are such a disparate group? Perhaps we've lost the sight of this Gospel that is supposed to bind us together. I once told a younger youth, it is one thing to know what the Gospel is about and another to fully understand its meaning. And once you understand, life is going to be drastically different for you.

(I will leave the differntial geometry out of this one, it's going to be abstract when I draw the relation.)

MA4264: Game Theory

Most people would say modules on game theory will show you how it's applied in modern economics... unless you take it in the department of mathematics, NUS. :(

This module was more like getting into the mind of John Nash, and after taking it, you really know why he went nuts!!!

Today was a pretty unproductive day, besides waking up late and missing a macdonalds breakfast (I had to contend with bread at home), I could hardly seem to get my brain working, unlike yesterday. I guess because its a math module and not an econs one, all the concepts are simply reduced to numbers and symbols. And so the intuitive feeling behind what is going on is reduced to logic and reasoning. No wonder John Nash went crazy. Well, stayed back after sunset prayer to continue sutdying with Gloria and some others at YIH. At least I managed to finish part of my help sheet, the definitions and statement of theorems etc. I really hate it when we need to write helpsheets. Yes, it may be a good form of revision in itself, but it's really troublesome. Got 2 to write this semester.

Not suprisingly, one of my favourite movies is "A Beautiful Mind". A rough biography on the life of John Nash. The part that strikes out is the following part of the movie, when John Nash goes up to make his accpetance speech for his nobel prize.

"I've always believed in numbers and the equations and logics that lead to reason. But after a lifetime of such pursuits, I ask myself, 'What truly is logic? Who decides reason?' My quest has taken me to through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional - and back. And I have made the most important discovery of my career. the most important discovery of my life:It is only in the mysterious equations of LOVE that any logic or reason can be found. You are the reason I am, You are all my reasons." (paraphrased)

Unfortunately, John Nash never made such a quote in real life. But it's a nice quote, espeically to me. Logic, reason, numbers, equtions are all cornerstones of mathematics. But when all is said and done, as a Christian, I have to remember that it's all about Jesus. The Lord of love.

Indeed it is mystery why Jesus would choose to die a criminal's death for sinners like you and me. What's the logic and reason behind that? Unconditional love.

PS: Watch for tomorrow when I tackle a really funky sounding module, Three-Dimensional Differntial Geometry!!!

MA4262: Lebesgue Integration

Hell week has begun. A final burst of nerdism before the exams. Possibly my last exam; but probably not. 4 modules, and I've set aside 4 days this week, one day for each module. Decided to blog a bit each day, to really bore you peeps with a series of completely nerd posts.

Mathematicians solve problems, if there are no problems, we'll create one

I guess this module really epitomizes that statement. Shaun, if you think integration at secondary school level is fun, well, like I said, you are just scratching the surface.

I guess the name of this module is a little deceiving, it's not completely about integration as some people think, but its more on the Theory of Lebesgue Measure and it's applications to integration, differentiation and the Banach Space, Lp.

It's an interesting module, not as dry as some other analysis modules I've taken. But it's super crazy man... understanding the proofs take a monster effort. But I guess the approach Lebesgue took to integration is a very interesting one, and the Lebesgue integral is certainly a lot more powerful than the standard Riemann Integral. Unfortuantely, it's notoriously difficult to define. And there is a more powerful integral available now, the Henstock Integral. Maybe I should try do an honours project on it. Sounds like fun!!!

I guess, the approach I took to studying this module was a little flawed in the first few weeks of studying it, I thought it was a "soft-analysis" module, so I could avoid the tedious epsilon-delta type proofs and look for nice elegant proofs. I am so wrong.

The whole module is about convergence and approximation theorems. And once that comes into play, well, say hello to epsilon, delta, and sometimes even eta.

Looking at life, maybe there is a parallel. We always try take short cuts don't we? Instead of taking the long tedious way, we look for the path of least resistance. Sometimes it works, but sometimes, we end up backtracking and having take an even longer route.

Convergence to God. Wrote about that once. Life should like a convergent series, converging to God. Initially, hardly anyone starts out being or wanting to be close to God. Time is like n as it tends to infinity, as time goes on, our life, our patterns should follow that of Christ. Convergence.

If you thought...

...that the mandarin version of "King of Majesty" was cool... check this one out!!!

我 屈 膝 在 你 的 脚 前
你 是 我 一 切 所 需
我 转 向 你 而 你 就 在 身 边
在 患 难 中 我 寻 求 你
你 是 我 全 心 所 求
我 要 一 生 顺 服, 献 给你

One Way, 耶 稣
你 是 唯 一 我 愿 为 你 而 活
One Way, 耶 稣
你 是 唯 一 我 愿 为 你 而 活

你 从 来 不 曾 走 远
每 时 刻 在 我 身 边
你 恩 典 深 深 充 满 在 我 心
你 从 来 不 曾 改 变
昨 日 今 日 到 永 远
我 要 与 你 同 行 直 到 终 点

主 你 是 道路 真 理 生 命
不 凭 眼 见 凭 信 而 活 为 你
我 活 着 只 为 你

By the way, there is a Japanese version as well! Available on the latest United CD. The trick is finding it!

Journey...

the original lyrics...

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
A roar of thuderous applause, begins with a single clap
A single plunge can take us to unimagined depths
A single tornado can result from a single flap
The single word we dare not face is simply, perhaps

The possibilities are endless
The countless thoughts relentless
Though all these may seem senseless
They are simply all our choices

Two paths diverge in the middle of the road
Travelers bearing choice as a common load
The path not traveled will never be unknown
We'll simply read what we have sown

Perhaps we'll never know the day after tomorrow
Perhaps we'll always look back in sorrow
Perhaps we could in painful regret wallow
Perhapds we'll find regret is simply hollow
But we can never from yesterday borrow

Perhaps she is the one
Perhaps I'll be number one
Perhaps one day I'll be happy
Perhaps one day I'll be merry
Perhaps one day he'll make me happy
Perhaps one day there'll be no perhaps

Perhaps we'll never know the day after tomorrow
Perhaps we'll always look back in sorrow
Perhaps we could in painful regret wallow
Perhapds we'll find regret is simply hollow
But we can never from yesterday borrow

Words by Gabriel Koh
Music by Lin Junwen

Yes, that was how the original first verse went. It was one whole verse before it was split into two smaller verses. (comments enabled)

Practice this week...

There will be practice this week, at 6.30pm. Please be reminded that it will be in the Sanctuary, since the Mandarin ministry will still be using Aldersgate Hall for a few more weeks.

We will be having a new worship leader this week, that's Daryl! He will co-lead with me.

This week is the 3rd Saturday, so there will be Bible Study. I will be continuing the series on the Beattitudes. All are welcome.

Random Quotes...

Meaningless post, highlight, if you want to read.

Like Ber, I can't seem to study, but unlike him, I'm not going to do quizes. (Yes, unbelievable as it sounds, Ber updated!!) Some random stuff...

"Mathematicians have no life" - Dr Tan Kai Meng, Valentine's Day 2004. To a bunch of mathematicians wannabes who were at a 12noon Saturday Lecture.

"Keep cool and calm!!" - Prof Koh Khee Meng, at every other lecture.

"To me, probability and statistics is the same thing" - A/P To Wing Keung, on his obvious lack of knowledge on probability and statistics.

"Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes." - Mickey Mouse

"Life is good for only two things: discovering mathematics and teaching mathematics." - Simeon Poisson

"Do or do not, there is no try." - Yoda. Yup, must try to get my study regime started. There's MA4211 Funcitonal Analysis test on friday... *bleah*

"The best way to get over it is to move on right?" - Kelvin Tan

"This is not going to be shown during FT right?" - choosing to remain anonymous

A call for unity

As you all can see, there have been some minor, but important, layout changes. To better reflect what this blog is about.

I guess over time, this blog is being read more and more by the VCFers rather than the PMC Youth, to call it a PMC Youth Worship Team blog is getting a bit wierd. And in more circles, its getting to be known as "Marcus' blog" rather than the One Voice Blog. Well, go with the flow.

I've removed the words "Pentecost Methodist Church Youth Worship Team" and replaced it with the words of Jesus. In John 17, Jesus makes a very powerful and important prayer. And that particular section above is His prayer for us believers, a prayer for unity, so that through this unity, God will be glorified and the world will come to believe.

I've also removed the Team Verse from the footer, and replaced it with the words of the song, One Voice. A call for unity.

The number 1, has a speical place in mathematics. (It my blog after all right??? And I've not had a maths-like post for a while). In Abstract Algebra, the symbol 1 refers to the multiplicative identity in Rings (and Fields, since fields are rings). And simply as the identity in Groups.

In number theory, the 1 is sometimes refered to as "unity". In complex analysis, the nth-roots (eg squareroot, cuberoot and higher) of the complex number 1 are called the nth roots of unity.

In that case, the term "One Voice", is simply the call to unite our voices and declare the Gospel of Jesus to the world. That was Jesus' prayer.

Jesus, loves me this I know

If you guys are wondering what my good friend Kelvin Tan is saying on the tagboard, I've removed that particular post. Will post it up again, maybe, some other time. :)

Just want to share this simple song, written a really long time ago. Originally as a poem. Simple in meaning, and easy to grasp, just sing it, when you are feeling down, and see the truth in it. I've managed to find all the verses, even those not commonly found in hymnals.

Jesus loves me this I know

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong

Jesus loves me this I know
As He loved so long ago
Taking children on His knee
Saying, "Let them come to me!"

Jesus loves me still today
Walking with me on my way
Wanting as a friend to give
Light and love to all who live

Jesus loves me! Loves me still
Though I'm very weak and ill
That I might from sin be free
Bled and died upon that tree

Jesus loves me! He who died
Heaven's gate to open wide
He will wash away my sins
Let His little child come in

Jesus love me! He wil stay
Close beside me all the way
Thou hast bled and died for me
I will henceforth live for Thee

Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so

I think as a leader, I always complicated matters. Doesn't help that I study a very complicated subject. But I think as Christians, we also complicate matters. But our faith is simple to grasp.

Jesus loves us. He bled and died for us. And He rose from the grave, and one day, He will come back to rule!

That's the simple truth of it all.

Choose

What am I going to do
After graduating
I think it gets a bit frustrating

Because they say
All for the money thats the route
Does greed really pay?
Isn't it the root?

Maybe satisfaction is the key
Something fine, something fun
But is it all about me
When it's all said and done

What about making life count?
What about leaving a print?
Something precious to recount
From life's short stint

But I guess I'll choose the lucre after all
How can we resist the world's siren call

Word by Joshua Sng
Music by Mark Szto

Been very depressed the last few days. And this song is really about how I feel at the moment. I'm sick, I lost my voice, I have a seriously bad cough and my results this sem, well, they suck quite badly. Failed a math test this semester, that's the 3rd time in my life that I've failed a math test. And it is really frightening to think that in 18 days time, I will graduate. This life is just passing by too fast.

Is it finished?

Spun. Fallen.

Seems like the main part of this BCE project has come to an end. But is it really over? The appreciation barbeque was yesterday, at Amber Park.

It brought back so many memories on so many different levels. From seeing the DVD video of the musical, it reminded me of the crazy semester so far. From staying back almost everyday in January to compose songs at TH, to the rehearsals at engineering bridge and SJSM and finally to the performances.

It has been a long journey. At times overwhelming, many times, heartbreaking, and other times, it has brought relief to my very worn out soul. But above all, I’ve seen what prayer and the power of God can do! HE IS ALIVE!

The BBQ also brought back memories of my childhood. Standing at the BBQ pit seemed so familiar. It was like being at home, yet not quite. Everything looks so much smaller than it was 11 years ago when I left that place.

It was really great meeting the some of the old cycling gang; and reminiscing about the stupid things we did, like digging sand-traps, throwing water-bombs off the 17th floor, racing the school buses and the super soaker fights!And it’s unbelievable that after 14 years, Hongren can still remember that thing between me and Min Yin… gosh… so scandalous. Well, I really wonder where she is now.
Well, all this will fade into history and memory. The musical did bring VCFers from all over together. And 2 were added to the Kingdom that night! But when all is said and done, there is just one thing that matters, and that is Jesus died for us.

IT IS FINISHED. That what Jesus said on the cross. The war has been won, if you turn to back of the Bible, we know the outcome, WE WIN! But there are battles to fight still.

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” – 2 Tim 4:7

Well, the race is far from over... but I know the outcome already!

When it should have been me

A shadow loomed against the hill
The shadow of a cross
A frame against the setting sun
A place called Calvary
A man was nailed onto that tree
Blood flowing from His wounds
A crown of thorns around His head
He hung in agony

And I know He gave up His life
In selfless sacrifice
To save a sinner who was lost
Deceived by satan’s lies
The shame, the wounds, the pain He bore
So I from sin am free
He was the one upon that Cross
When it should have been me

His name was Jesus Christ the Lord
He was the Son of God
A blameless, sinless He led
Yet why that cruel death?
The Jews, the scribes, the Pharisees
The Roman soldiers too
They mocked, they laughed and taunted Him
Until His final breath

Wrapped up and buried in a tomb
It seemed to be the end
But He was raised up from the grave
And now He lives again
He said if I believe in Him
I’d live forevermore
He offers me His righteousness
A gift for me to claim

The gates of hell were open wide
Waiting for me to enter in
But Jesus found a way to save my soul
A way to bring me back to Him

And I know He gave up His life
In selfless sacrifice
To save a sinner who was lost
Deceived by satan’s lies
The shame, the wounds, the pain He bore
So I from sin am free
He was the one upon that Cross
When it should have been me

O Lord, You went up on that Cross
When it should have been me

© Words and music by Ang Ruiyi

All for love...

Was watching the "United - Look to You" behind the scenes video and there was this clip of Joel Houston where he said something like, "At what point do you start relying on your own strength because you take what God has given and His grace for granted? And at what point do you come to realised that you have to rely on God?"

Those words struck me hard. And as I watched the rest of the video, I realised that their new album nearly did not happen, the usual band was all over the world, rehearsals were pretty much last minute and new songs were coming in all the way to the eleventh hour.

It immediately brought back memories of the VCF musical. The similarities were too striking. But I guess at some point, in our burnt out state, we started to realise that we needed to lean on God for strength and surrender our skills to Him.

The past 3 months have been one of the longest and tiring in my life. But life still goes on. And now, after basically neglecting the Youth Ministry for the past few months, it's time to come back and take a larger role in it again.

One Voice is longer the same team it was, reduced to half it size in last few months, there is no hiding the fact that something new needs to be done. But the time for recruitment has not yet come.

As a worship team, the biggest struggle we face is pride; pride in our own abilities, pride in our own skills. At what point did we start relying on our own strength and take God's grace for granted?

At what point will we realise that the only way to move on is to drop, fall and decend into humility and let God take control. At that point, we will realise something, that we can go further than we were before.

It starts with us, coming to realise the cost He paid for us on the Cross. That was an act of humility and love. For us, so that we may follow Him. Every Sunday, when we lead the youth in worship, we must be hollow, so that the love of Christ can shine through us, and not be stopped by us.

All for love a Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love the heavens cried
For Love was crucified

All for love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw Man to You

(C) Words by Mia Fieldes

I can't believe...

... you're part of the past...

Hard to imagine that Falling Spinning was exactly a week ago. I guess the musical spoke to each of the individual cast members and musicians in their own ways. Somehow each one was able to identify with a certain character or song.

Personally, at times, I felt like Leah, out of love even cheated by love. At other times, like Mia, chasing grades, chasing a hope of getting into the honours class. But the character I could identify most is probably Ethan. Struggling to make sense in this world of nonsense.

But today, I was force to confront death, the same way all the characters had to deal with the death of Jude. Life is indeed short and fleeting and what you never treasured before may disappear before you even know it.

Just found out that my JC maths teacher passed away last week from cancer. It was a huge shock to me. He was only 54. He was a good teacher, and of course, an influence into what I am doing now.

His lagacy has been passed on, I'm sure. He authored many of the textbooks that about 90% of Singapore schools use. And like me, I am sure many of his former students are going to be teachers. Or already are.

But he died without the covering of Jesus' blood. I will never see him again. That's sad. I heard that a few students cried when they saw the state of his body, ravaged by cancer. Tough. Hard to imagine that he was still fit and strong 7 years ago.

This is death cold and chilling
No escape for all still living

No fate but what we make???

This is a post that should probably be in my personal journal or something. But I will put it here for keepsake.

It seems like wherever I go, the theme verse of the musical keeps coming back. Whether at the engin bridge, or in church or even at Synerg!z, the message is still the same. We need to die to our self, so new life; eternal life, can spring forth.

Just got home from Pasir Ris. Felt like déjà vu. It was only last semester, when making a detour home from school to Pasir Ris was the norm. Guess some things are just not meant to be anymore.

Was looking through my Bible, and I noticed some hand-notes scribbled into the margin. One read, “There are many things that need interpretation, but more than that, things need obedience.”

How apt that one of the speaker sessions today was on obedience. Honestly, I cannot remember one-quarter of what was said today, but what matters is what God said to me! But that is a little to private to put up here.

“The next step in your destiny WILL include something you don’t want to do.”

A few weeks ago, I had to do something I did not want to do. It hurt badly to give it up. And surrendering to God’s will was a difficult decision to make. But I had to give it up slowly in the end. Today, the tears just flowed; and God’s voice was loud and clear.

I finally took the picture of the VCF music min away from my bedside table. The one taken at the Arts musical, “No greater Love”, 2 years ago. Let go, move on.

In its place is the picture of the Youth Ministry, a shot taken by Alvin at GAP Camp. One that he gave me for Christmas. Letting go, moving on.

That is the price for obedience, pain and suffering. That was the price Jesus paid in obedience to the Father. The pain and suffering of scourging and crucifixion for the sins of the world; for my sins.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” – John 3:16

The following song has comforted and ministered to me every time it is being sung during musical rehearsal.

How deep the Father’s love for us.
How deep the Father’s love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds that mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon the cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that “it is finished”

I will not boast in anything
No gifts no power no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His Reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.

No practice

There will not be practice this week... due to Synerg!z.
But, there will be practice next week, details out soon.

WHO HAS MY SYNERG!Z 2004 CD??????? Please pass it to the next person!

"If you believe in such a "power", you might as well pray to an electric socket" - Rev Jonathan Seet. (In reference to mystical religious "powers" like "The Force" or "qi")

That is probably the quote of the day man!! HAHA!!
Will expand on that in the coming days.

A long goodbye...

I guess it's the point
Where I'll bid thee farewell
I guess now's the time
To take leave of the spell

So long to love and hope
So long to fairy tale
Go now these transient dreams
Fall now these blinding scales

Today's the day
I think I'll turn the other way
I've had my cry
Now I will say a long goodbye

Before the pain subsides
Before the memory beckons
After death has shaken
All is changed in a second

I'll part with innocence
So goes Eden's array
I'll make my exit here
From this world of dismay

No more delay
I think I liked the other way
I've had my cry
Now I will say a long goodbye

Thank You
You were the one
You helped me see
You always did
Now the romance is over
And the damage is done
No more movies
It's frightening
Reality has just begun
But am I free
Lifted off this debris?
True love's a fallacy

The end is nigh
Just just give a sigh
I will say my long goodbye

Words by Joshua Sng
Music by Mark Szto

I altered the lyrics of the original song, which was a duet, I guess to make it a better reflection of how I really feel now. The bitterness has subsided I guess. But the pain still remains; the wounds have yet to heal completely. But life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone...

8766 days...

Life is a bazaar they seem to say, shopping for things everyday. Life after graduating, is another crazy bazaar, looking for jobs, near and far.

The weight of age gets heavier and heavier everyday. Especially today.

Life goes on... it always will. Whether in this, or the next. Life will find a way.

So I ask myself, what have I done to deserve life? Nothing. What have I done to deserve eternal life? Nothing.

But I have them anyway. So I choose to rejoice and be glad. No matter the circumstance. No matter how hard life seems at the moment, I will choose to sing a song of joy.

Find me at the Cross

Here I stand forgiven
Here I stand, Holy and righteous
You paid the price
When You laid down Your life
Jesus I surrender all

And I'll walk with You in my heart
I'll walk with You in my heart
Find me at the Cross
Down on my knees
Thank You Lord for saving me

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hellelujah, Hallelujah
Here I stand forgiven

(C) written by Chris O'Brien

24 years, I've walked this earth. I do not know how many more will I be given. But I know where this journey is going. It's good to know that I don't walk this journey alone.

Born Loser?

The Story of Gideon, You & Me - Judges 6

Studied 8 years for PSLE, then 5 years for GCE O Levels, and now, still studying to make up for not doing well at the Os. Talk about been a born loser, I’m one… Are you able to identify with me or at least sympathize with me…or what?

Hey, don’t judge me. These words would always echo in my brain again and again whenever I’m met with disappointment. Even worse, it became a stigma along the way.

Even as I grow older each year, somehow the fact of getting “bad results” in the past would still haunt me, even now! However, as I look back at my life’s journey, it doesn’t seem to be that “bad” after all. Well, for one, at least I’m well, happy and alive today.

Then the Lord turned to him and said, “Go with the strength you have and rescue Israel from the Midianites. I am sending you!” “But Lord,” Gideon replied, “how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!” – Judges 6:14-15

Out of the many Heroes and characters in the Bible, I can identify best with Gideon. Like me, Gideon was a born loser, the least significant among his peers and not to mention that he was also the weakest among his people (least talented). Whoa! Sounds a lot like you & me right!

Then the turning point came when God sent His angel to commission Gideon to save the nation of Israel out of its enemy’s hand. At that point, it might have crossed Gideon’s mind that God was making a joke out of his misery.

But thank God, He wasn’t! And this actually helped to shed some light on my path (go read the rest of the story for yourself). Gideon trusted God after much testing of his faith and he proceeded to be one of the most noted Bible heroes at the end of the day. What a beautiful ending! What a hope this brings to all losers out there!

Lessons to draw out from the story of Gideon

1) We are not “losers” in God’s sight and so don’t you dare judge me or yourself!

2) Failures are stepping stones in life to help us experience God in a more tangible (real) way; we will become more mature in Christ after overcoming each failure.

3) We must continue to trust God even if things don’t go well for us. This will show us how much we really love God. A time of personal reflection and re-dedication to Christ.

(4) Lastly, it is our choice to be more than Conquerors or to stick to the “fate of a born loser”. Each of us can take failure or loss in a specified way: a graceful loser or a poor loser.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. – Romans 8:28

Joshua Loo - Born a Loser but living as a Conqueror

apologies...

My apologies for not yet sorting out the roster. Not used to doing this kind of things. But I will get it done by Thursday evening. One Voice members, please check your emails on Friday.

I can only imagine

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk by Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face is before
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for You, Jesus?
Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Hallelujah?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine,
I can only imagine!

I can only imagine
When the day comes
When I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship You

(C) Words and Music by Bart Millard

We get distracted by the things of today so often, that we forget to look the forever tomorrow. Imagining what it could be like, to have better results, to get the girl of my dreams, to get the Ph.D, to get that great guitar or bass, to get a dream car. We imagine to much in things that are temporal and forget about the things that will last into eternity.

What will it be like, when this life is going to end. And we look back at our youth and widner why we were so stupid to put our hope and desires of things which really seem so stupid on hindsight.

I used to lie awake at night thinking about the moment on my death bed, when I cross into etrnity. What if it doesn't happen that way? Perhaps I may die in a crueller way! Those thoughts use to frighten the hell out of me.

Often, we would think about the "what ifs" of life. What if I had better results? What if I had gotten that girl/boy? And we are all consumed by it. Consumed by the things that will fade. We treat life so flippantly.

I think there is a better way to spend our time. To think about the forever, eternity, infinity. What it will be like in heaven? What will it be like after I die? that thought used to frighten me, now they will me will joy.

I can only imagine what it will be like in heaven, at this present time in my life. But at least I know, one day, I will be going there.