I feel like I'm falling
Standing tall in this wide space
Getting lost in Your embrace
I see a fire burning brighter
It's calling me to catch the flame
You're drawing me closer to Your side
It's the safest place I know where to hide
With one glance You captured my heart
You speak Your words to set me apart
I feel like I'm falling
Over and over in love with You
It's not just a feeling
But I know that He is real
I feel like I'm falling
Into the arms of a mighty God
It's not just a feeling
But I know that He is real
(C) Words and music by Raymond Badham
The last few days have been very exciting for me. I'm just overwhelmed by God's love; it's just indescribable. Indeed looking back on the past 6 months, I just see God's amazing plan being played out. Trials and temptations were so abound, but things are just the total opposite compared to the beginning of this year. SHIOK AH!
The first 3 months of the year just seemed so bleak, but there was a purpose in all of it! And I see it now! I've realised that the challenge that God laid down to me at the conference started way before the conference. When my parent's asked me to join them for a holiday; I immediately said no. I mean, this was like their silver anniversary and the holiday was like a second honeymoon, you think I wanted to be there? No right? But I actually prayed about it, and God told me to go, enjoy myself take a break from ministry and be minstered. Interesting huh? Well, I sure was well rested and you can read about my holiday somewhere in the archives, about a month back.
But you know, when I returned, I thought I would just be overwhelmed by all the ministry stuff that I had to do, Leadership Planning Camp, Leadership Retreat, worship leading here and there, One Purpose Camp and Go4th all squeezed within an 18 day period. I thought I would just burn out again. But as the days wore on, instead of being burned out by everything, I was more and more ministered by what happened. And I think I should give credit where credit is due.
The VCF LPC, was so full of long extended breaks that it was to me a nice time of rest and relaxation. And then when I made a trip down to join the CCR camp one day before I was slated to lead; I really have no idea why I chose to go at that exact time, but the session that was conducted then just spoke so hard to me and challenged me to released the last vestiges of the things which I was holding on so tightly, and after that, my eyes were really opened.
The Leadership Retreat was a little bit more tiring, but Joshua's message to us on Saturday night was so entertaining and so pertinent to our ministry that it really charged me up and was kind of a confirmation to the role I was doing for One Purpose Camp. It was really great!
And at One Purpose, this is where I really want to publicly praise a youth whose actions really almost moved me to tears; and that person is Jacko. She did something at the "special dinner" which did not escape Eugene's, Mitchell's or my attentions; the care and concern for others in the group that night really ministered to me. The visit to the old folks home also moved me greatly, to see all of the youth just so eagerly step foward to talk and interact with the elderly was a wonderful sight!
But you know, it didn't end there. The last few posts I talked a lot on what I experienced at Go4th. Indeed, the past week has been the best week of my life this year. Everything in my life has just fallen into place in the past week.
In the post below, I said that I asked Amy and Ber to release me from my ministry. And instinctively they asked me what I meant. And I told them that I had no idea, but it was a word from the Lord, and that they had to let me go. I told them that I had no idea what it meant myself; I am not leaving PMC, neither am I leaving the YM, but I just had to tell them to "let me go". You know, I really thank God for Amy and Ber, honestly, I don't know how they put up with all the rubbish I put them through. But without them, I think my life would be entirely different. So AmBer, if you all are reading this, thank you! (And please return those books I lent you, I really need them back, if you know what I mean!)
I was still trying to figure out what "let me go" meant. And Joshua came along and talked to me. Said he too had a word from God for me. Told me that I needed to learn meekness. He actually told it to me in a very graven tone, thinking I would take the critisism pretty badly. But no, that was exactly what I needed to hear! It was confirmation of what I needed to do. I have been talking about meekness during the One Voice devotions, and I know I need to put into practice what I have been speaking about.
And so, at the end of Sunday, I had a feeling that God was going to remove me from my ministries. Said that it is about time I took the step back; and get a life! My Saturdays have been so burnt that I have hardly a time for a social life. And everyone tells me, "How to find girlfriend like that?!" Well, God will provide!
And so it all fell into place on Monday night and Tuesday morning. God has been preparing my heart. Preparing it to take on a ministry that demands commitment on an entirely different level, demands sacrifice that I've never given before. My heart wasn't prepared for it before. But now I see God's amazing plan in it all. Of all that I had to go through, He was preparing me for this. Well, I am just so happy!
Slept at 4am thinking about it. And woke up and 6.30am sharp this morning. Fully alert and not tired at all. Just could not sleep. Was just so overwhelmed. And later this morning, as I was thinking about it, I just became so overwhelmed by it all. That God loves me so much and that my own love for Him is so disgraceful compared to what He has done for me. He wants what I felt this morning to be the normal rather than the exceptional. Incredible!
I'm really sorry for the "I-centeredness" of this post, but it's a joy that I experienced that I really cannot contain it. And I wish I all of you could have it! In fact you can, just really trust the Lord in all that you do, it's so difficult, but just have the peserverance and you will see this joy in your life as well.
